Saying No With No Guilt

Saying no - Is is difficult for you?

For many people, it is almost impossible.

They want to be liked so much, receive approval from everyone, and strive to do anything they have to do to obtain approval from others... and I wonder why?

If you have difficulty saying no, have you ever asked yourself why?

When we are faced with a situation where someone asked us to do something and we say no, what do you do when you are faced with a second request?

Recently a real life example came up for me. I was asked to do something and I put an expectation... I will do this if this happens... the 'this' did not happen. I said no. I was clear in my expectations and I was firm in my no.

I have no desire to be liked by everyone.

I do desire to be respected by those I respect.

And let me be clear, I do enjoy being liked. I am not saying I do not want people to like me, but I learned a long time ago that I cannot get everyone to like me... so it is best that I like myself first.

I have to be comfortable with myself. I have to be able to like myself when I talk to others, interact with others, work with others... and that means that I have to focus on being the person I like myself to be rather than trying to be someone others want me to be in order to like me...

Because here is the big philosophical statement I want to make... if I have to change myself for others to like me, they aren't really liking me are they?

No they are not.

I make no apologies for being myself. Having boundaries, making commitments I can follow through on, and stating no when I mean no.

I expect no apologies for others being themselves. I do not have to like every aspect of you... but that does not mean that I cannot like you or even accept you as YOU.

It is a matter of self-realization that who you are has to be good enough for others... if they are to like you... but that also does not mean that if you have areas in which others find less than pleasant or unacceptable you shouldn't address those, but that is another post altogether... what this is focused on is... you should not change your desire to say no to please people who you want to like you.

It is a horrible and never ending cycle.

In this group, there are people who knew me in high school... and there are people who know me in person now... and those who 'know' but never met me...

I look at how I was in high school and how I am now and think of all the growth I have experienced. When I write these posts, I keep in mind this thought... I wonder if my high school friends see the changes... as I see the changes in them... growth is inevitable especially when we last spent time daily in 1987.

Saying no is a difficult task... and how that relates to the walk down high school memory lane... there is a part of all of us that want people to still like us 'warts and all'... but rarely do we take the risk to show the warts and all to others in a positive manner... like making difficult decisions to say no...

My freshman year in college I learned an amazing life skill - assertiveness. I am still learning and embracing and teaching others the life skill of assertiveness.

Assertiveness is the key to being able to say no, set boundaries, manage your time, be a leader, delegate, manage your relationships professional and personal, and really live the most authentic life you can...

Sometimes, saying no is the best way to show your assertiveness off. Even if by saying no, others are not too happy with you or even like you afterwards. Saying no is necessary in life... so is the skill of accepting a no gracefully.

Whether in personal or professional areas of your life... set boundaries for yourself and say no when you need to say no and believe you are a good, kind, loving person even when you say no.